How to have deep and meaningful group conversations – introducing Spiritual Conversations

Spiritual conversation is a practice with Ignatian roots that can help guide a group through prayer and dialogue as they grapple with important group discernment and decision making.  

The process is straightforward and effective. It starts off with personal prayer, then each person in the group can share their reflection (within a strict time frame) without comment or response from anyone else. Once everyone has shared, the process repeats itself as each person takes turn to share deeper about what they have heard from the others’ reflections and is finished off by free-flowing group dialogue.

By carving out intentional, equal sharing and active listening, the process works! We tried this out at the recent Diocesan Youth Assembly and were blown away by the results.

If you participated and liked the process or if you’re curious about giving it a go with your group, here is a step-by-step guide that will show you how to have a spiritual conversation.

Before we get started, this is what you need to keep in mind when having a spiritual conversation.

Active listening is an essential part of the process:  

·         Each participant will do more listening than talking.

·         Focus on the other person who is sharing and give your undivided attention through your presence, eye contact and body language.

·         Be aware of and suspend any judgement or prejudice that may pop up.

·         Pay attention to what is coming from the heart.

·         You may ask questions or give comments only when you reach round 3 (see below for steps).

Intentional speaking is equally important:  

·         Pray before you speak and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you.

·         Choose your words carefully and take the time to think before you speak.

·         Be aware and modify your body language and tone of voice if needed.

·         Speak only within your allocated time frame.  if you finish what you have to say well before your time is up then sit reflectively and silently as a group. If your time comes to an end and you haven’t finished what you have to say, finish your sentence quickly, and move onto the next person. You’ll be able to speak more during the round 3.

Other practical matters to keep in mind:

·         For each step you will be allocated a time frame and it is very important to stick to the time frame to ensure equal and intentional sharing. Use a timer e.g. clock, sand timer or mobile phone to ensure the group is sticking to the time frame.

·         You may like to have a facilitator for the group who is in charge of making sure everyone is sticking to the time frame and practising active listening.

·         Maintain an atmosphere of respect and don’t interrupt the person speaking. The only exception is that the facilitator may cut in if the person’s allocated time is up.

·         You may like to have someone as a scribe to write down notes or any decisions made.

Now that we’ve gone through these points, here is how to have a spiritual conversation:  

Step 1: Personal Prayer

Take 10 minutes for individual prayer and reflection on the topic. This may be facilitated by:

·         Gospel or other spiritual text reading,

·         Guided contemplation,

·         Reflection question(s), or

·         Worksheet with guiding question(s) and text

Step 2: Round 1: Sharing

·         Everyone speaks for two minutes using a timer to keep track.

·         Take turns to speak in a clockwise direction.

·         Consider what were the main movements, feelings and insights that came to you from your personal prayer time?

·         Begin each sharing with the phrase: "In my reflection today...and I feel..."

Step 3: Round 2: Sharing

·         Everyone speaks for one minute using a timer to keep track.

·         Take turns to speak in a clockwise direction.

·         Consider what stood out to you as you listened to the others? What did you feel? What is the Holy Spirit saying to you and to the group?  

·         Begin with the phrase: "In the voices of the group I heard...and I feel...”

Step 4: Round 3: Sharing

·         Free-flowing conversation amongst the group in no particular order.

·         This can take approximately 10 minutes but you may decide to take more or less time depending on the situation.

·         A time for asking questions, listening, dialogue and discernment.

·         Opportunity to ask clarifying questions.

·         You can gage the feelings of the entire group. Is there an overall consensus of disagreement?

·         You may like to write down or summarise the discussion